A while back I had put up the call on my Facebook page for people to help me challenge myself in writing. I requested that they leave words in the comment section that I would then have to use in a story.
All words given to be used in the story were:
rhynchconelliformea pumpernickel doctorate
floccinaucinihilipilification mythology indigenous
thoughtful love pejorative
rendezvous silly adamantly
yep impignorate ruminate
willful abecedarian charming
elementary eloquent dog
onomatopoeia fierce rudimentary
Rosefinch majestic gelatinous
panache fatalistic erinaceous
mastic zenith serendipity
doodlebug superfluous nirvana
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
And without further ado, I present to you The Adventures of Dr. Pumpernickel:
“And that is why I propose that Rhynchconelliformea have existed far longer than we previously believed.” Anna smiled broadly, crinkling the freckles across the bridge of her nose.
Dr. James Andrews kept half-opened eyes upon her from the other side of the conference table. Thinning silver hair accompanied by thin wired bifocals produced an air of unearned importance and age. In reality James wasn’t much older than Anna, but that didn’t keep him from playing the part of her superior. With a prolonged sigh he removed his lenses to buff them with a cloth kept tucked in his front shirt pocket.
“Truly Professor Pumpernickel, you waste the board’s invaluable time with these rants.”
Anna’s cheeks flushed, mirroring the red of her hair.
“Dr. Pumpernickel, sir. In fact, Dr. Andrews, weren’t you there when I received my third doctorate two months ago?”
James replaced his spectacles upon his parrot beak of a nose “My apologies Dr. Pumpernickel. But my previous complaint stands.” He waved a hand around him, gesturing to the rest of the University Board “We are nearing midterm season. Everyone here has a list a mile long they have to complete by end of day.”
The hairs on the back of Anna’s neck bristled, she chewed on the inside of her mouth before releasing a slow breath through her nose.
James’ features went rigid, glancing down at the copy of Anna’s proposal before him he thumbed through the pages.
A snicker arose from Professor Daniel Jones two chairs down from James. Another stifled giggle broke free from Dean Terry Smith at the other end. The natural pink of James’ cheeks deepened, spreading across his face and into his receding hairline.
“I’d like to hear someone else try to say it better!” He huffed.
“No, no, please. We couldn’t do it justice.” Professor Joes managed through tight lips and a strained voice.
Chuckles started to ripple through the remaining fourteen members. Anna gave the bewildered man a charming smile and leaned in playfully from across the table.
“Why don’t you read that name again Jimmy?”
James set his face into a scowl but obliged the lady “Owdjunahseediscoomning.”
Anna raised her eyebrows, encouraging another go around as the snickers continued to grow.
“Owdjunah-” He cut himself off and slapped a hand on his forehead “How did you not-How did you not see this coming!”
The room exploded into raucous laughter. Dean Smith reached over and pressed the intercom on the table.
“You can bring it in now Carol.” He pushed out between his rumbling laugh.
On cue the dark oak door to the side popped open. Mrs. Carol Weeks, a precious grandmotherly creature no more than five feet tall, proudly brandished a large homemade Birthday cake. Tentatively moving forward, she beamed as she started belting out Happy Birthday. Anna winced slightly in spite of herself. Though thoughtful and full of love, Mrs. Weeks was not built for concert halls. Quickly the rest of the room joined in, helping to mellow out Mrs. Weeks’ contribution. James laughed so hard that tears began to roll down his cheeks.
Not long after the cake had been cut, Anna excused herself and snuck away from the gathering. Exiting the Academic Hall she bounced her way down the main entry steps. Walking into the sunlight she took a deep drink of the Autumn air. Just brisk enough to be refreshing but not so harsh as to be biting. Some of the heaviness from the meeting shook off a little, swept away with the breeze that danced through the leaves.
“Anna!” The deep Jamaican timber of Dr. Adio Daley called out from behind.
Swiveling back around to her colleague a mischievous grin spread across her face. With one hand on her hip she held out the other palm-side up.
“Pay up Adio.”
His brilliant white smile complemented the strong jaw line. He towered over Anna with a frame much more suited to a linebacker than a Doctor of Philosophy. Reaching her side Adio crossed his arms playfully and tipped up his chin.
“I say it doesn’t count.”
“Doesn’t count? You bet I couldn’t bring floccinaucinihilipilifaction naturally into the conversation and I did just that. Honestly I think I should get more just for memorizing how to say that blasted thing right.” Anna mimicked Adio’s stance.
“Oh you said it, but not in the presentation part of your speech.”
Anna took a challenging step forward, hands now on hips, “That wasn’t explicitly stated as required and you know it.”
Adio released an exhausted sigh, melting his stance “Fine Anna, fine you win!” A toothy grin escaped as he reached for the wallet in his back pocket and produced a crisp fifty-dollar bill.
Anna took a half-step back with an awkward chuckle “H-hey, you never carry big bills with you. I half expected you to give it to me in ones just to irk me.”
Adio’s eyes twinkled as he slapped the bill into Anna’s hand “I knew you’d never pass up a chance to take an extra shot at James. I made sure to come prepared.”
Anna laughed as she tucked her winnings into the tiny front pocket of her black dress pants. “His consistent thinly veiled pejorative comments beg for a challenge.”
Adio rolled his eyes and shook his head “He has tenure and you don’t. I know he asks for it but you would be better served to at least veil your comments better than him.”
Anna shrugged then turned, continuing her trek away from the Academic Hall “Dean Smith volunteered me for today’s performance. Who am I to deny the Dean his joy of practical joking?”
Adio kept pace with Anna. Hands in his pockets he bumped Anna with his elbow. “I don’t recall him asking you to make up an entire proposal with a fake people group punchline.”
“Smith appreciates people who take initiative.” Anna winked
Adio cast his eyes to the sky and half-sighed, half-laughed.
“You know you could have waited to pay me back later right? I hope you didn’t miss out on Mrs. Weeks’ cake because of me.”
“Nah,” Adio shrugged, “I made sure to nab a slice for later. I needed to head out, James was right about midterm projects. What about you? Ducking out so quickly? A bit early in the day for a romantic rendezvous.”
Anna rolled her eyes with a tsk but then chuckled “You have got to stop watching all those Hallmark movies. No, I have to meet up with the estate lawyer for my Great Uncle.”
Adio flinched slightly, shoulders tensing “I’m sorry Anna.”
She shook her head and smiled softly “Don’t worry about it. How could you have known?”
“I know you were close . . . Ini and I are here for you if you need us.”
Annas eyebrows stitched together in tenderness. “That’s directly from Ini, isn’t it?”
Adio pursed his lips playfully and stuck his nose in the air. “Maybe.”
“That woman is pure royalty Adio, and you better be treating her as such.” Anna punched him in the upper arm.
Adio’s features were instantly soaked with that same silly lovesick look which overtook him whenever someone mentioned his precious bride. Anna giggled at her hopelessly romantic friend.
“She’s far too good for me.” He smiled
“Yep! In fact, I may just have to use my new winnings to take her out and console her for being attached to the likes of you.”
“She’d be thrilled.”
“It’s a date then! I’ll make sure to call her to iron out the details.” Anna’s wide grin crinkled her nose and scrunched up her features.
Reaching a fork in the sidewalk Anna and Adio bid their farewells, allowing Anna to speed her way over to her parking spot. Hopping into her car she set her GPS for Martin Fischer’s office. She had only met with the lawyer once before, on the grounds of her late Great Uncle’s property with the rest of the family. She had been surprised to find him to be not much older than her 36 years. Anna’s fingers instinctively tightened around the steering wheel as she chewed on her bottom lip. It was disconcerting how adamantly Mr. Fischer pressed her to meet with him without the others. She couldn’t fathom what was left to discuss. Uncle Tim may have had an impressive home and large piece of land but he was atrocious with his money. It was actually a sigh of relief for them when Mr. Fischer stated he was going to impignorate the rest of the estate to cover Uncle Tim’s tax fees.
Anna began to ruminate on her time with crazy Uncle Tim. He had never married and honestly stayed distant from his brothers and their children. Perhaps it was the shared cherry locks, perhaps because she could go toe to toe with his willful nature. Either way, Uncle Tim had struck up a fatherly affinity for his little “Nana.” He would grouse, grumble, and shout at all the others, but with her he’d laugh, he’d play, and he would challenge. A gentle grin rose across her face recalling the time she filled in the last spot on his crossword puzzle.
“Onomatopoeia!” She flashed a wide smile, showing off the gaps of freshly lost baby teeth.
“What now Nana?” Uncle Tim peeked up over the rims of his glasses, hand still hovering over the newspaper.
“Words that make noises. You needed a word that meant to make noises.” Her tiny six-year-old finger pointed to each empty square as she spelled it out “O-n-o-m-a-t-o-p-o-e-i-a, see!”
Uncle Tim’s poofy eyebrows raised high, wrinkling his broad forehead “Well I’ll be. When did you learn how to spell that Nana?”
“When going through your books!” She swung her hand happily to the wall-sized bookshelves.
A spark danced within his eyes as she set down his paper and turned to face her. “Well then my dear, what shall we read next?”
A mist built up within Anna’s eyes as she drifted back to the present. Breathing out slowly, she willed them to dry up again. Pulling up to the little office building she admired the sweet bed of flowers that lined the path to the front door. Each grouping had a tiny plaque listing their names. Anna sighed, noting the abecedarian method of arrangement. It was no wonder that her uncle chose Mr. Fischer to see to his affairs. His obsession with order shoved him far into the spectrum of eccentric.
“Order is the rudimentary principle of civilized society Nana! The proper categorization of items is what helps keep the apocalypse at bay.”
Anna snickered, recalling his horror-filled screech from when she was sixteen and rearranged the books in his study to have the titles create a sentence. Uncle Tim wouldn’t let her comeback for a whole month after that. When he finally did allow her to return, she had refused him for another month. If he didn’t want her then she didn’t want him.
In the next few weeks Anna received a package from her uncle. Inside was a set of books arranged so their titles read “I’m Sorry, Anna, Please Forgive Me.” No other eloquent words were needed. Stepping through the front door anna was greeted with a bubbly wave from the office secretary.
“Hi! You must be Dr. Pumpernickel! Mr. Fisher is waiting for you just through that door.”
“Thank you.” Anna nodded, then halted abruptly as a small floof of white fur wriggled around in the secretary’s lap.
Catching her stare, the secretary blushed and laughed “Oh sorry, this is my dog Duster. She’s kind of become the office pet. I hope it’s not a bother?”
Anna chuckled and shook her head “No, she’s fine. Just wasn’t certain of what I saw.”
Eyeing the open door to the right, Anna dipped inside. The cozy little room was equipped win an exquisite red oak desk and a set of bookshelves lining the far wall. Mr. Fisher sat pouring over a spread of documents, too engrossed to hear Anna’s approach. Moving to stand beside one of the plush chairs opposite of the desk she cleared her throat to announce her presence.
Breaking his focus Mr. Fischer took a minute to reconnect to the world “Oh! Dr. Pumpernickel, I’m so glad you’re here. If you don’t mind, would you close the door before you take a seat?”
“Certainly, and please sir, I’ve told you before, you’re more than welcome to just call me Anna.” She smiled warmly.
Once seated in her chair she folded her hands together in her lap and waited for the good lawyer to proceed. Taking out a key he unlocked a drawer in his desk. He then pulled out the entire drawer, took out a second key from a chain that had been tucked beneath his shirt collar, and unlocked a hidden panel underneath it. Anna cocked an eyebrow, tilting her head slightly to the side. Reaching into the panel Mr. Fischer brought forth a seemingly innocuous envelope. Gingerly he offered it to her from across the desk. Scratched across the front of it in her uncle’s handwriting was the sentence “Elementary my dear Nana, the game is afoot.” A thrum of electricity shot throughout her body, breath catching in her throat. Grasping in between her hands she could only stare at it.
Mr. Fischer shifted in his chair, leaning in toward Anna and whispered gravely “Brace yourself Anna. This isn’t a joke. Things are about to irreversibly change in your life.”
Fingers trembling, Anna slowly tore open the seal. Inside was a short message. Eyes darting through the words penned by his won hand, the blood drained from her face. After a solid minute passed she looked back at Mr. Fischer, mouth dry and lightheaded.
“You mean . . . he’s alive?”****************************************************************
The rattling buzz of her phone receiving a text message as it sat in the center cup holder sent a flurried palpitation through Anna’s chest. Reaching out cold fingertips she grasped the phone to unlock the screen. Tapping the notification an image popped up. The lovely manicured hand of Ini held outstretched a Starbucks cup, showing off the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious scrawled across the side. A follow up text blipped up on the screen.“Adio bet me a weeks’ worth of coffee that I wouldn’t. When is my man going to learn not to challenge us?”
The faintest smile pressed against the corners of her mouth. The thrumming of her heart refused to change tempo. Scrunching her eyes closed Anna gulped down a big breath, then slowly let it out. *Sorry Ini*, she whispered mentally as she tossed the phone into her purse. Now wasn’t the time to engage in a conversation. Grabbing her bag, Anna fully removed her keys from the ignition and placed them beside her phone. Stepping out of her car at last the trill of a Rosefinch lilted down from the trees. Following the sound Anna’s eyes connected with the red tuft of feathers, swaying with the breeze on the thin branches near the top. Uncle Tim favored that sort of bird. Or was it favors?
Anna scrunched her brows together and pressed her lips into a tight line. Turning toward the large mahogany doors of her uncle’s estate, Anna’s heart thudded in her ears. Tucked in the front pocket of her purse sat what should have been Uncle Tim’s final message to her. Five words were all it took to set her world to spinning.
“Meet me in the study.”
Ascending the few steps to the entry a sharp prick throbbed through her left calf. Sucking a breath through her teeth, Anna looked for her assailant. A narrow two-toned spine had lodged itself halfway into her skin. Plucking it out she studied the bloodied end. There were no barbs and it was a thin enough quill that she needn’t fear it drawing too much blood, but where on earth had it come from? Uncle Tim had no cacti and porcupines were not native to the area. Besides, who heard of a porcupine shooting out just one random spine?
Anna spun slowly on her heel. The sun had begun to set in majestic orange and red hues, all living things seemed to have withdrawn for the night. Even her little Rosefinch friend had flited away. The hairs on her arms and neck stood on end. Anna took out her copy of the front door key and swiftly ducked inside. The thunk of it latching behind her echoed through the barren foyer. The bank had made quick work of reclaiming the nicer furniture.
Just enough light from outside seeped in, letting her easily access the switch off to the side. Turning it on the sound of tiny clawed feet scurrying across the tile made Anna flip around. She caught sight of the hindquarters of a spined creature diving into the study.
Anna’s eyes went wide and then narrowed under her furrowed brow.
“Hedgehog?”
But it was much too big, yet that was not a porcupine either. Whatever it was, it must have been the culprit from before. Had it snuck inside with her? A gnawing sensation unsettled her stomach. And now she had to follow after it into the study. Moving her purse into a defensive position she pressed on.
“My dear Nana! Thank you for your promptness.”
Uncle Tim stood in the center of the room, a pair of reading glasses rested on the tip of his nose and his favorite copy of A Tale of Two Cities lay open in his hands. Anna’s jaw dropped, her extremities briefly going numb causing her to stumble back half a step. Righting herself she clamped her mouth shut and narrowed her eyes.
“Thank you for your promptness? You’re supposed to be dead!” Anna spat out “We had a funeral!”
Uncle Tim’s face softened with a sad smile. Closing his book he walked over to her and embraced her. Tears rushed to Anna’s eyes. She desperately hugged him back, then pushed herself away and smacked him in the arm with her bag.
“Three weeks! You let me think you were gone for three weeks.”
Staring up into that friendly old face, Anna’s anger raged against her relief. Once more she dove in for a hug, burrowing her face into his chest.
“I have always loved your panache my little Nana.” Uncle Tim chuckled as he patted the top of her head.
Anna breathed him in for a second, then pried herself away once more. Her jaw worked tightly as the muscles along her neck and shoulders stiffened.
“Uncle Tim what is going on here? How could you lie to us like this?”
Uncle Tim released a slow sigh, took off his reading glasses and placed them inside a case tucked in his front pocket. “The world isn’t quite as it seems my dear.”
Anna replaced her purse strap over her shoulder then crossed her arms “What is it? Debt to the mob? You’re a government spy? Ticked off the wrong person?”
Uncle Tim shook his head then called over his shoulder. “Love, time to come out of hiding.”
Anna’s lip curled into a snarl “This is because of a romantic triste?”
Uncle Tim’s bushy eyebrows knit together, deepening the wrinkles on his forehead “Anna, you need to brace yourself for some very, peculiar, things.”
A subtle shimmer danced through the shadows behind her uncle, causing Anna to straighten reflexively. The shadows themselves began to morph and undulate. A blob formed at their center as if a creature was pressing to be birthed from the darkness. Wait, was something being birthed from the darkness? Anna’s heart thrummed against her chest, eyes wide and darting between the scene and Uncle Tim’s clam demeanor. Did he drug her? Surely he must have!
A tiny, pink-skinned paw with needlelike claws pressed through the bulge and heightened the shimmer. In seconds out popped the sniffing twitching nose of what appeared to be a much too large hedgehog. Noting the two-toned coloring of the spines that covered its back Anna unconsciously squeaked. Stuttering back a step her hand covered her mouth.
“Love, it is my great pleasure to introduce you to my niece, Anna. Anna, this is Love, one of my most valued compatriots.”
Love stood erect on her back legs and stepped toward Anna with an outstretched paw.
“Hedge – hedgehog. Spines! Shadow creature. The shadow hedgehog poked me!” Anna stuttered around frantic thoughts.
Uncle Tim rested his chin against a fist “Although quite erinaceous in appearance, the diffle really prefer to not be labeled as such.” Glancing down at his diffle friend, Uncle Tim made a clucking noise with his tongue “Love, what is this about poking?”
Love dropped her paw and winced slightly “Had to be sure, Whispers lurking.”
“Whispers? Diffles?” Anna ran her hands through her hair “A psychotic break, yup, that’s what it is. I’m still in the age bracket for developing schizophrenia. Oh man, I need to go get myself checked in!”
Anna took a few shaky steps toward the door when the diffle dashed in front of her.
“No, no. Please don’t go! Love sorry for stabby. Tim Tam need Fire lady. Please no go. So sorry.”
“Tim Tam? Fire lady?” Anna pulled at one of her curls “It’s my hair isn’t it?” her bewildered gaze roved her uncle’s face.
“Yes, yes. Love like fire. Very pretty. Love’s mom has straight fire. Fire lady has fun springs.”
“Perhaps we should sit down?” Uncle Tim approached Anna and gently led her to one of the over-stuffed armchairs to the side.
Sitting across from each other Anna kept wide eyes trained on Love as she rested on her haunches beside her Tim Tam’s feet. Uncle Tim set down his book on the end table next to him then paused for a moment, steepling his fingertips on top his lap.
“Now, my dear, this is a long story, one which will mostly have to be experienced to be understood. I’ve never truly explained to the family my life’s work and that’s largely because I’d be institutionalized if I did.” He reached over and gently rested a hand on top of the book, his thumb slowly ran across the title embossed on the cover. “As you may have assumed by Love’s introduction, our world’s mostly common perception of a singular solid reality isn’t so. Diffles, like Love here, are common keepers of the inbetween. They watch every cross-over and attempt to bar the Whispers from contaminating each existence.”
Anna bit her bottom lip and clenched her hands into fists on her knees. “English Uncle Tim, being vague isn’t as charming as you think.”
“Books are actual glimpses into other worlds Nana, the arts are all roads to what we call the inbetween. When someone from our existence creates a new world, they are actually tapping into the hidden channels that connect us together. These streams have allowed us to share hope, joy, and inspiration across dimensions. But Whispers are the malignant creatures who attempt to corrupt these exchanges and breed chaos, despair, malice, and death. They believe the zenith of their existence culminates in some grand destruction. Ironically, pain is their nirvana. Love and I work in tandem to keep the inbetween free from their evils.”
“Fire lady now join. Fire lady new partner.”
“Excuse me, what?” Anna balked, snapping her head down at the diffle.
“Love, please.” Uncle Tim shushed holding a hand toward his friend.
“Not Love, Fire lady.” Love shook her head and held out her paws in front of herself “Diffles team forever. Your diffle come soon.”
“My diffle? Partner? Uncle Tim are you recruiting me?” Anna’s mouth dropped slightly.
A heaviness washed over her body, making her clutch her forehead as the room began to sway.
“No recruit. This new job. This purpose. Fire lady with us now.”
“My name’s Anna!” She groaned out as she leaned against the arm of her chair.
“Love knows Fire lady. Love –”
“Shh,” Uncle Tim leaned over and placed a finger lightly against Love’s snout. Sitting back up he smiled apologetically. “Forgive her dear Nana. Diffles tend to be quite the fatalistic creatures. Love feels it is an inevitable course of events and suffers from severe impatience.”
Love huffed and turned her face away.
Anna peeked out narrowed eyes between splayed fingers holding her face. “But she’s not wrong, is she. You expect me to join you. This so-called introduction of yours is an ambush set to unravel my world and leave me no option but to follow after you. That or go get checked in at a psych ward.”
Uncle Tim straightened slightly “Would you really attempt telling others of what we’ve shown you?”
“No.” Anna leaned forward in her seat and glared at him “But I’d forever be looking over my shoulder wondering if some – some creature weren’t going to be popping out of the shadows!” Anna flung a hand in Love’s direction.
“Tim Tam bad teacher. Tim Tam make Fire lady mad.” Love muttered, keeping her gaze off to the side.
Uncle Tim held a finger up to rebuttal but cut himself short, eyes riveted to Anna’s shoulder “Doodlebug.” He breathed out.
Anna followed his focus to catch sight of the antlion larvae resting on her left shoulder. Anna yelped and flung it away. Jumping out of her chair she spun in a small circle checking for more. Love scrambled to where the insect fell, hurriedly sniffing it.
“Mastic tree!” Love exclaimed with wide black eyes.
Anna froze in place. “What?”
Her uncle leapt from his chair, far too spry for his age. He grabbed A Tale of Two Cities and dashed behind his red wood desk. Clutching a soft skinned leather pack, he stuffed the book inside and flung it over his shoulder.
“It appears serendipity dictates drawn out discussions are superfluous. You’ll have to learn the rest as you go.” Uncle Tim gripped Anna securely on the back of her right arm and steered her to the center of the room where Love stood on hindlegs waiting.
“What’s wrong? What’s happening? Uncle Tim!” Anna cried out, swiveling her head between the man she thought she knew and his mythical creature.
Love’s quills stood up straight on her back and started rapidly vibrating. The air around them rippled like heat waves.
“A Whisper has found us. Doodlebugs long conscribed as our watchmen, heralding their arrival. Our only hope is to open up a path to the inbetween and disappear within before it can lay hold.”
A shimmering light emanated from the blur of Love’s spines. The glow expanded, encompassing the three in a sort of electric, pulsating bubble. A gelatinous inky black substance appeared around it. A singular glob dripped through the top and dissolved into a puff of dark smoke as soon as it made contact with Anna’s hand. The black substance thoroughly encapsulated them, making it impossible to see out. Tears pricked at the corners of Anna’s eyes, a tightness gripped across her chest making it hard to breathe.
The light wound its way around her feet, then legs, and arms. She tried to pull away but the tendrils anchored her in place. The shine grew to a white hot intensity, forcing Anna to shut her eyes. A single tear slipped through and ran down her cheek, inside her heart shuddered. She knew, the life she lived before this moment, there was no coming back.